I am not a writer.
This is something I have told myself many times over the years.
Numbers. That’s something that always came very easy to me. Words on the other hand have always been so hard for me to deal with. What is in my head and what ends up coming out of my mouth either in conversation or on paper have always been two drastically different things. Because of this whenever I start out writing something I always end up getting frustrated with my lack of ability to communicate clearly that I either scrap what I was writing or leave it as a garbled mess.
The fact is, I’ve never consciously tried writing anything other than what has been required of me in my classes. I haven’t sat down with the intention of writing just for me.
I have been thinking that it’s time to change that. I have so many thoughts about everything that the only way I am going to stay sane is to somehow get them the hell out of my head.
The thought just occurred to me about why I never write. I have always had this image of a writer sitting down to a piece of paper/typewriter/computer/whatever and being able to spit out prose and dialogue and essays etc… the same way I am able to sit down to an engineering problem and work it out. But in reality I know it’s not that way. Writers struggle with communication the same way I do. They just don’t give up, throw in the white flag, as easily as I seem to do when faced with a blank page and a blinking cursor.
Numbers come so easy to me that I rarely have to struggle dealing with them. So when I start struggling with words, I automatically assume that I’m just not a writer, I shouldn’t be doing this, what’s the point, etc…
I guess the whole point to this post is to pledge to start writing, to actually put for at least a minimal amount of effort, to not give up at the first sign of frustration.